A Year Older (And Wiser, I Suppose)


Saturday was my birthday.

The day started out okay enough. I didn’t have to go into the pharmacy, so that’s something. I can remember my son trying to wake me up so that he could gain access to my phone (he’s an Angry Birds addict – we’re so pleased). I could tell I was in a bad mood from the moment he threw an ever-lovin’ fit when I told him he couldn’t have the phone. We lay in bed a little longer and all I could think about were all the things I needed to get up and accomplish. I have a hundred little projects I think about and never complete. I’m a year older and I’ve got to get busy before all these things devour me! I quickly ask hubby if he’s going to get up and help me (with these 100 tasks I need to complete). He proceeded to take a tone with me that I didn’t like. “It’s my freakin’ birthday!” I yelled in my head. “How dare he act slightly displeased with my tone and take on a tone of his own – on my BIRTHDAY!” So I cried, half Scarlett O’Hara and half actually crying. He doesn’t see me cry often and he doesn’t like the crying so I feel slightly better knowing he would regret taking that kind of tine with me when we clearly have all this stuff to do. We don’t really ever fight so tones and inflections are all we have, you see.

I get out of the bed, achy in my hips and the heels of my feet. Pharmacy can take its toll on your mental state and on your body. We aren’t allowed to sit down unless on a break. We hold the phone between our shoulder and our ear all day long while counting pills and juggling every other task imaginable. I do a lot of repetitive movements at work and I think this has contributed to my overall body pain, which was pretty much non-existent before this job. Every morning I almost have to push my legs forward when I take my first steps because my hips hurt so bad. This gets markedly better throughout the day, but the first time of the day you finally get to sit down, you are reminded of the pain when you get back up. I am feeling especially old now, my physical body betraying me already. Thirty-four sucks already.

I know, I know, those of you older than 34 are allowed to groan at my depression over growing older. “Just wait until you’re 50!” they’ll say. I certainly don’t relish turning that age either. I am, however, glad to not be 23 anymore. I was an idiot in those days and I am glad to have a bit of experience to guide me in my life travels. Some tell me I am an ‘old soul’ and I do feel that way sometimes, but on Saturday I was feeling a lot of things, none of which was gratefulness for my ‘old soul’ or my 34 year-old scars. I imagine my 50 year-old self will think that my 34 year-old self was an idiot too.

I took a lot of walks down Memory Lane. I could feel myself panicking at the thought of losing my girlishness. Maybe I am a fool who lost her girlishness a long time ago. I think it may have happened the first time with someone whom I was 99% sure was exactly my age called after me, “Ma’am!” I turned all around looking for this older person he was surely referring to. It takes me a minute to realize this man is talking to me. Upon further inspection he isn’t as old as I thought. He must be about 20 or 21. I was probably about 30. I can say without question that I can be delusional sometimes, imagining myself thinner and prettier with virtually no wrinkles and stretch marks. I figure as long as I’m rolling around thinking a certain way, who cares what others think?

I start to feel the world creeping closer to its position on the perch of my shoulders. How can I slow it all down? I don’t want to grow old and die! It seems like just yesterday I was hanging out with my friends during the summer, not a CARE in the world. It seems like just a short while ago my mom was telling me that one day I would understand what it was like for her to raise us kids. One day – blah, blah, blah. She was right and I’ll be damned if I don’t find myself saying the exact same things she would say when I was a kid, the things I swore I would never say. Three blinks and I will be her age; 56. How has it come to this? I can still remember her the way she was back then. It seems as if it were just yesterday. Life can be cruel and these memories sure can be bittersweet.

I find myself looking to a purpose for it all. I believe we must have all decided on this course we are living now. We knew there would be sadness and we did it anyway because we knew what we would gain from it all, but do we not want to be happy at some point? When does the status and the clothes and the Matrix not matter anymore? There are so many illusions we allow to run our lives. What good is all the money in the world if you work so hard – away from your happiness – to get it? Is complete and utter happiness not the goal? Maybe that’s Heaven I am thinking about. There is beauty in this world for sure, but not near what we want. Knowing there is more out there doesn’t make all the heartache go away, but it does help a little. I know I have been feeling sorry for myself but I am also upset too. I should be further in my spiritual growth by now! I know that some things come in due time, but how long can one use that excuse when they rest on their laurels all day? I go against what I know I need to do sometimes. I choose the Matrix when I should be seeing the truth. I continue to complain about a job that makes me unhappy. All I need is a little meditation and a few more grasshoppers to make me realize my dream in this life and I put it off. I think the reason that 34 has been so hard for me is that is feels way too much like 33 and 32 and 31. It’s time I did something about that.

 

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Posted in Pharmacy Tech, Psychic Goings-on

Shake It Off – Taylor Swift


Anyone who has been reading my blog for a while (bless you folks, by the way) knows how much I LOVE Taylor Swift. I truly feel like she has written the songs of my teenage years. Of course a lot of girls feel that way which is why she is so popular. This song is as catchy as “22” and I love the video. Haters are gonna hate, Taylor, thanks for reminding us to shake it off! 

Check out some of my Taylor Swift photography here!

 

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Posted in Random Stuff, Videos

“F— You…” I Said to my Boss


I remember a post not so long ago when I talked about these cycles in my life and the way I behave during these times. I tend to fly off the handle at the smallest thing sometimes or I speak my mind when I usually would not do so. One might contribute this to being Bipolar or Schizophrenic but I don’t see it that way. (Maybe Schizophrenics don’t either). I see these cycles that I go through and I almost unable to stop myself when in the middle of one. I know this is growing toward further enlightenment and that lessons are being learned at the same time I am being given things I have asked the Universe for. Read my “Cycles” post here. As I re-read that post, written much longer ago than I thought, I realized that I am still kinda in the same place. Sure, cycles have come and gone, but I feel like I am dealing with the same situation again. 

Anyway, long story short I told my boss, “F— you!” after I had been listening to his mouth for far too long. I truly didn’t care if I got fired, but somewhere inside myself I knew I wouldn’t be fired. All the more reason to think that maybe I am not done at that pharmacy. We had been arguing quite a bit that day, my boss and I, which I am apt to do from time to time. He accused me of being a liar and I went off. I may lie to myself every now and again but I have made a great effort to not lie to people. I used to lie all the time and I have learned and earned so much by telling the truth that I almost can’t help myself these days. So when the boss accuses me of lying, I take great offense to this. I suppose I shouldn’t care what he thinks, but he will spread his stories all over the pharmacy when I am not there so I want to make sure my “F— you” got well documented in the tale. 

It was really quite refreshing although it was hard to sit back and enjoy this right away because with my tirade came more tirades. I was on a roll. I literally seeked out others to whom I had some things to say. I wanted to make sure the hard-to-swallow truth came out while I still had the balls. This was an emotional time and I definitely was keeping to myself as much as I could. I felt change coming over me, but per the usual I am not yet sure what this change has amounted to. I have been feeling myself travelling back in time in my dreams and reliving past relationships. Note to anyone thinking about digging up any bones – they are still there where you put them for a reason. Maybe I needed to make sure of this, and I am glad I did. If you happen to be reading this, thank you!

I was having heart palpitations and was near panic mode just a week or so ago and now I feel myself starting to climb out. My heart beats normal again and I am not panicky anymore. Interestingly enough my boss has starting treating me more like I wanted him to. It seems that saying what I said may have changed the way he thought he could treat me. Maybe he has more respect for me or is waiting to get me good one of these days, but until then I will continue being a Pharmacy Tech until Source thinks it is time for a change. Maybe it is I who will have to decide. 

In spirit animal news, I opened the capsule for the drive thru at the pharmacy and a grasshopper jumped right out at me. I was speechless for a minute, but I took this as a good sign. I feel like I have been through Hell, but here is this grasshopper encouraging me to continue forward. I have also been noticing a lot of locusts lately, albeit they have all been dead so far. I read something a while back when researching about the GH as a spirit animal. I remember someone mentioning when the GH had been starved and was needing nourishment it would turn into a locust. I am not sure if this is true or not but seeing locusts might mean I am needing a change, without which might make me feel malnourished. I totally agree with this and identified with it when I saw a locust the other night, dead on my steps. See my “What is Your Spirit Animal” post here.

I have missed everyone. Please rest assured that I am alive and they haven’t locked me up in a padded room just yet. 

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Posted in Pharmacy Tech, Psychic Goings-on

What is Your Spirit Animal?


The whole animal spirit guide thing started for me when I read a post from one of my spirit sisters, Linda. The post was called Spiritual Development: The Otter Returns! I commented that I wanted a spirit animal to come to me. I asked then and there for me to get to know my “otter”. It seems like such a lifetime ago, but I made that comment on June 9 of this year. Maybe a week later, I saw my first grasshopper. He looked pretty much like the grasshopper in the picture below and is the normal type of GH we see in this area.

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Courtesy of Wikipedia

No big deal, right? It’s summer and there are plenty of grasshoppers out in the summer. I have to admit that in my week after asking for a spirit animal, there was no shortage of animals to view. I didn’t even ask myself the question, “Is this my animal?” if something caught my eye. When I saw him something inside me recognized it. Over the last two months the grasshopper has integrated himself into a ton of my situations and thinking back I now remember several grasshopper moments a few weeks before I read Linda’s post. One of the creatures latched himself to the side mirror of my car while my car was sitting under my carport. He stayed on my car all day until we went home. Shortly after pulling up to my house, GH took his leave and I was left shaking my head.

This is the grasshopper that hitched a ride on my car.

I had them following me at the river not that long ago and I have had several approach me in the parking lot on many occasions at work. I would have to say that there has been at least one GH sighting about every 3 days or so and some days I will see several of them.

I would never have chosen this spirit animal based on previous knowledge of grasshoppers, which I admit was very minimal. The GH is not the go-to animal for one looking for a bad ass spirit animal. Tigers are cool and dolphins and maybe elephants; I would have imagined myself with some big, awesome animal. After hearing the grasshopper’s song, I recognized it as my own and so the spirit guide is realized. I saved research on the GH for tonight and I have to admit that it sounds like me. The things that the GH represents are traits I am accused of having all the time. This so-often overlooked insect revealed itself to me and I know I don’t have to read about the symbolism of a dolphin or a tiger to know that I have the right animal. The message the the GH brings with it is an awesome one; one that I knew all along, but an inspiring message all the same.

Those chosen by the GH are said to be visionaries; usually intuitive and creative people. I love this part of a blog post I read on ‘What’s Your Sign?’. You can see the full post here, but I wanted to share these beautiful words with you.

“As an animal totem, the grasshopper appeals to artists, musicians and dancers. To wit, the lilting song this creature emits is an inspiration to our muse; its skittering and jumping is divine choreography. The artist within us all easily recognizes the grasshopper making its own dance steps, and grooving to its own special melody.

The grasshopper moves to its own rhythm and tune, indicating this creature is a advocate of intuition and listening to our inner voices. The grasshopper encourages us to listen to our own stirrings – those beautiful chirping lullaby’s that sing in our hearts are indications of our inner beauty and creativity. The grasshopper totem reminds us these inner musings must never be silenced – rather, they should be nurtured, and always remain as the background music to the performance of our lives.”

The grasshopper is here to remind us to take that leap of faith. There has been one thing in particular that I think about everyday and want to leap for. I know that this will mean big change and will surely completely turn our lives upside down. The need to take that leap is so strong that I feel it in my bones but I continue to sit still, very un-grasshopper like. I think I know that such a big leap will propel me into a different life, with friends and co-workers left behind. I think this is why I sit still, afraid to jump. Things are getting worse at work and I find myself in the exact same situation I was in at the other pharmacy. I cannot keep telling myself it is them that are the problem. I am the problem; I am a grasshopper stuck in a pharmacy and I want to be free to dance and be happy and be myself, without the constant reminder that I don’t belong. Maybe I take it the wrong way – the way that they treat me – but all that matters is how I perceive it and the message I feel I am getting from them. They may not even realize why they are acting this way to me. Poor folks, I am sure they think I am crazy. I am right back around, full circle to where I was with my old Toxic Boss. New boss is so very annoying and she lies and does everything to push my buttons that she can. I suppose she is just a messenger like the Toxic Boss was. The message is the same from both – “You’re in the wrong place.” It’s to the point that no matter how good I am at my job or what an asset I am, it seems to go unnoticed while people who break the rules and should have never been given a license in the first place, get to skate by and have excuses made for them all the time. The hardest part is not being able to let go of those injustices I feel are robbing me of my happiness in my job. Tensions are high and during these times I tend to get obstinate and vocalize the things that are running through my head. I spew forth my opinion at a rapid pace during this part of the process and take everything personally. I have started to notice the cycle as it begins again and again, the universe waiting on me to finally understand so that we can break the pattern. The GH wants me to leap.

I have definitely been very much like a grasshopper in my younger days and I had a tendency to jump from thing to thing that attracted me. Sometimes I was jumping away from something, but much like the grasshopper I would not jump backward once I had my mind made up. I have taken many leaps of faith in the past, knowing when it was all said and done I would know that I had made the right decision.

The grasshopper as a totem symbolizes patience and security as it is grounded to the Earth, like most of the other insect totems. The GH can be called upon to help with grounding oneself and this is something I am truly in need of right now. I have been unplugged for quite some time and still have not achieved the calmness and the serenity that I need in order to begin accepting more than day to day psychic messages.

I am excited to see what else my spirit animal has in store for me and I was wondering if y’all had a spirit animal? Do you know who your spirit animal is? If not, I certainly suggest you check into this. I feel so much better knowing that I just have to trust in spirit to help me realize my hopes and dreams.

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Posted in Pharmacy Tech, Psychic Goings-on

Dallas Arboretum – Everything Else


Copyright 2014, Psychic Pharmacy Tech

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Dallas Arboretum – The Trees


Copyright 2014, Psychic Pharmacy Tech

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Dallas Arboretum – The Statues



 Copyright 2014 – Psychic Pharmacy Tech

 

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More Cossatot River Pics


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These are some pictures from my beloved Cossatot River. My husband, son, Memaw and I went this past weekend and we had a great time. It was uncommonly cool for July in the Deep South and it was just so wonderful! The bottom pic is of some of the thirty or so hummingbirds that were buzzing around the deck. They were crazy!

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Posted in Random Stuff

Shelley Unplugged


This is the first time I have cracked open the ol’ laptop in like a month, I think. I have been almost completely unplugged when at home. It took me a while to realize how isolated from the rest of the world I have become. I can’t remember the last time I watched a news show. I check out local news from time to time if a newspaper makes its way into the pharmacy. I remember asking the universe to make my life simpler; I want to eventually make our life on a homestead, completely self-sustaining one of these days. I am beginning to think that my requests are being answered. Everyday I feel closer to that scenario. I have to say that it feels really good, not being glued to every news story all the time. I would keep up with court cases and missing persons cases and whatever other cause I was interested in, but I don’t want to feel the way the news makes me feel. Maybe I have too many empathic traits to continue to subject myself to all the feelings and spirits that come with it. Sure, hearing about others going through devastating times should push one to want to rid the world of as many horrible things as they can. I do want to do that, but I don’t think that is my path. Everything feels set in motion already and I have left some things behind. 

I am definitely not feeling unplugged in the psychic department lately. Allowing all these worries about world events to go away has freed up some psychic room in my brain. This morning and the last several weeks of morning showers I am shown events and conversations that will happen throughout the day at work. It’s convenient because I feel like my subconscious is working on these situations and when it really occurs, I can already tackle the problem when I get to work and have it taken care of. Sometimes I hear myself repeat what I had said in my vision without even thinking about it. All of a sudden, the information is recalled and I just spit it out. It’s pretty amazing and weird to notice this happening quite a bit during the day but If feel like I am getting help so I welcome it. 

I don’t want to leave my blog. I am torn because I am enjoying my time out in the yard and this takes up a lot of the time I have when I am home when I am not taking care of kids and everything else. I have a lot of projects that I am working on at the house and I am really feeling pressure from the blog to keep coming back. Getting on here increases the chance I will get stuck in a six hour long search-a-thon with a spirit for some of their unfinished business, and I don’t want to waste my time on ghosts without agendas anymore. It would appear that when I get on the internet I am vulnerable and cannot seem to protect myself spiritually as much as I could when not on the internet. I’m all for relaying a quick message to someone but getting the run around from spirits is for the birds and I cannot do it anymore, and it is generally always a run around with them in my experience, unless it is a loved one or something. 

My chest feels heavy and I feel someone knocking at my spirit door, but I have shooed them off and better get off of here before they come back. I miss all of you so much and I am sorry I have been such a fair weather blogger lately, but I have thoughts of so many of you throughout the day and I feel like I receive advice from some of you though my guides when I am searching for answers. I hope everyone is doing okay and I would welcome any emails, which I can get through my phone. psychicpharmacytech@gmail.com

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Posted in Psychic Goings-on

My Plant Babies


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My baby jalapenos. These suckers have taken forever to grow from little seeds to where you see them now. This is at least 4 months in the making. By the time I finally get a jalapeno from this plant, I will be an old woman. They are finally growing little peppers so hopefully it won’t be long. I considered moving them from this pot but I hate to mess with progress so I will hope for the best. I feel like they may have gotten bigger had I put them in the ground.

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This is my catnip. I don’t know why I grew this as all my cats have left to join the neighborhood cat gang, but I have since found many recipes for home remedies and tinctures and may try my hand at that soon. Meanwhile, I feel like a cat drug dealer. They all seem to be waiting around for harvest time and occasionally I have to run a kitty out of the plant.

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So here’s my basket which I planted cilantro in. There is one tiny baby cilantro in the bottom and then up top there is basil. I didn’t plant basil in this basket as far as I knew, but alas it is here.

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And here is my planter with two kinds of basil and oregano. Notice the small cilantro there in the second picture. Me thinks I either got the seeds mixed up or the birds are playing tricks on me.

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This is what happens when elephant ears take over. There are about three separate plants and about ten leaves all together and a new leaf seems to unfurl everyday.

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I didn’t even plant radishes so my master gardner aunt tells me that this is a rogue seed. I wish more rogue radish seeds would come to my yard because I love radishes!

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Posted in Psychic Goings-on

Elephant Ears are Way Cool


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Elephant Ears have this crazy ability to make any water dropped on them turn into this mercury- looking body of water. I have been around EE’s before but this has somehow escaped my notice until now. It’s very cool to hold the big EE leaf and watch the water roll all around on it and then just slide off.

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Posted in Psychic Goings-on, Random Stuff

Yard Work


I am just about positive now that I have become obsessed with yard work and gardening. I have endured 1,070 skeeter bites, bees, wasps, dirt dobbers, worms, aphids, ladybugs and flies and have almost done so with a smile. I am loving having my hands in the dirt. I have spent way more on gardening this year than I have EVER spent all the other years of my life. We were given a small storage shed by a couple who are probably our best friend family ever. I have been friends with the wife since I was 16 and my hubby and her hubby have all the same interests and have been friends since we introduced them. My daughter is friends with their daughter and our son is friends with their son. It has been awesome to have them as friends and we are so blessed with this shed we desperately needed and wanted. 

I have to write my piece and get back to work. I have weeds to kill, a hydrangea to try to save and I finally got some chalkboard paint….well crap, forgot the chalk. I have some herbs I am going to dry for some herbal remedies and I thought chalkboard paint would be a good way to label bottles and then I can change the label anytime! I am ready to get back out there and feel at one with Mother Earth.

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Posted in Psychic Goings-on

Aquarium


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I Don’t Think You’re Ready for this Jelly


SONY DSCI Don't Think You're Ready for this Jelly

These with two of many, many pictures I took to our recent little vacation in Dallas, Texas. We went to the Dallas World Aquarium and of course there I was snapping pics at everything I could get in front of. I plan to get a whole page of the aquarium pics put up soon. Enjoy!

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Stormy Heaven


Stormy Heaven

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Posted in Photography, Psychic Goings-on

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