Abraham Hicks ~ No Reason To Ever Feel Vulnerable: https://youtu.be/BEGol5yyyyM
Abraham Hicks ~ No Reason To Ever Feel Vulnerable: https://youtu.be/BEGol5yyyyM
My name is Shelley and I am a sleep walker as well as a sleep eater. This sucks in so many ways. I wake up with a bed full of all kinds of things like bacons bits, bits of croutons, crackers. Apparently my sleep self likes salty things most of the time. But if there is candy in the house, I will sleep walk to where I know the candy is and I will take it back to my bed. I have times when I am aware of what I am doing, but sometimes I am aware of myself searching. Then it’s like my awake self tells my asleep self where something might be. Halloween candy is never off limits and my kids get mad at me because I will seek it out. I can’t help it. Heaven forbid there be Christmas pie or Thanksgiving leftovers. I never heat anything up or cook anything. I just grab things and go.
On this particular night I found a bag of Hershey’s Kisses and can remember shoveling them it. I specifically remember them being the Truffle ones and my asleep self was quite pleased. There’s nothing I can do to stop the endless amounts I can consume in a night. It appears that some of the kisses made their way out of my grasp and into the bed.
Judging from the chocolate pattern I have concluded that I twist and turn, apparently very much in a straight line back and forth. Imagine waking up to this…
I had some vacation left at work and had to use it before I lost it. So here I have been since Saturday, at home with myself to get lost in. My plans were to clean, clean, clean. The ADHD in me has left piles in each room, things to sort through before we can actually be clean. It’s the piles that do me in. I look at the pile, take it in and can’t fathom spending any more time thinking about it. It gets overwhelming and then my mind switches to something else and I leave the pile for something more interesting and less overwhelming. I suppose I could take my ADHD drugs during vacation, but I usually forget my second dose anyway and what fun what that be? Vacation should be vacation. Drugs are for work. Haha.
Even though these piles are still in the back of my mind, I don’t have to deal with them unless I am looking at them. Completely off the subject – I have watched a very informative documentary about 9/11, which I thought about sharing but I don’t think I will. It even scares me a little to even talk about it but the whistle-blower in me has to tell you that it saddened me and has broken my heart a little bit. I don’t think I shall delve into any more information about that subject as I am not sure that it will do me any good. If there is enough interest in the subject I may elaborate a little more, but I am thinking that unless you are the type that wants to know everything about everything that you should just let it go. Unfortunately I am the aforementioned type and I wish I weren’t sometimes. I don’t know what even got me to watch this documentary but before I knew it I had this idea in my head to look this crap up. One day you can be just chillin’, seemingly oblivious to the events going on around you and the next day feel like I felt after watching it. This has kind-of hampered my spirit and has left me wondering what my role is in being a good, trusting American. I don’t know what I feel anymore or if wondering about such political type things even matters in the world we are in. I like to focus on different things, not matters of the state and the nation, but this affected all of us and…nevermind…I swear one little thought can get me on a rampage and once again – not a good idea.
So, conspiracy theories are pushed aside and I also wanted to tell you about my little baby seeds I planted yesterday in anticipation of the Spring. In Southern Arkansas we don’t get much winter anyway and I can already feel the Spring creeping into the corners of my world. There hasn’t even barely been a hint of ice and I can’t recall even a week of solid cold days. We have been in the 30’s one night and in the 70’s the next day. I have seen some totally confused birds out there.
I probably need to stop typing because some unseen force keeps diverting my attention to the 9/11 thing and I have piles and piles of Legos and Star Wars toy parts to sort through and a few piles of laundry to go turn over. I hope everyone has been doing good and that you are all in good spirits.
The days are starting to feel the same to me. It’s like that movie ‘Groundhog Day’. I even wake up with the same song in my head that I feel asleep with. In case you’re wondering it’s Taylor Swift’s ‘Blank Space’. Any of my readers know I love TS but I’m sick of this song being in my head every morning. I certainly feel like a blank space lately.
When I go to work, I walk in and the same song is playing that was playing the day before. The same patients call with the same questions. The Pharmacist that I told to f-off is now the Pharmacy Manager so you can imagine how that is going for me. I come home to the same messy mess that was there the day before. And just like the day before, I put off my writing. I don’t write because I don’t feel inspired. I’m writing now to ask you to think of me and send me some good vibes. I gotta get out of this place I find myself in.
I’m really hoping I don’t have some spirit attached to me. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept hearing a high pitched noise in my left ear. Most spiritual things happen to my left side. After surveying the room and finding no things that seemed to be making making the noise, I would lay back down only to hear it again. I thought someone or something might be trying to drive me crazy.
At work yesterday my throat felt funny like it might want to close up on me and I smelled a strange smell like sulfur. I am allergic to sulfa drugs and wondered if someone had counted a sulfa drug right before I stared feeling that way, but found out we hadn’t filled one all day.
I need to work on some protection this weekend. I have every weekend off now so I am going to use this one wisely. I feel out of control and don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. Everyone seems wrapped up in their own stuff. Or is it a spirit making me feel like this? Now I’m getting a little worried. Goodness gracious, I swore I wouldn’t let this happen again after that last debacle.
My good blogger friend, Linda, over at litebeing chronicles was recruiting bloggers to participate in her blog challenge. I contributed for one of these challenges a while back and it was an awesome experience so I was excited to do this one as well. You can see my post, Cosmic Retrograde Challenge – Breakfast at Tiffany here. I chose today’s date because I knew I would be off work from the dreaded pharmacy today and I kinda liked the idea of being the last one. It’s fitting actually because I am usually the last to show up for anything. Perpetually late – the story of my life. Nonetheless, here I am but I am afraid my brain hasn’t shown up yet.
2014 feels like a wasted year to me. I know that sounds self-deprecating and that I need to stop feeling like this, but I just can’t. Spirit is reminding me right now that this year certainly hasn’t been a waste, so maybe I should explain myself a little better. My children are healthy and still here with me and they have grown another year older. That is certainly a good thing. I have a wonderful, understanding and patient husband who loves my quirks, and that is good. Spirit has been showing me a flip book of sorts in my head of all kinds of moments from 2014 that I should be thankful for, and I am. It’s just that I thought I would be farther along in my spiritual learning by now. So now, on to the five questions that Linda asked of us who were to participate in the challenge. Like usual, I am sure I will feel better after writing this. Spirit always shows me the way when I am writing about these kinds of things which can be helpful when one has no idea how it will all turn out.
1. What lessons did you learn?
The answer to this came to me before I had even started this sentence. I think this has been a hard lesson to learn. I have always been a bit of a loaner. I didn’t necessarily always want to be, but I will admit to feeling a bit neglected in my younger years. I am used to be alone and really wouldn’t mind spending a week completely by myself, left to my own thoughts and devices. This is the confusing part when considering my spirituality. I was led in this direction by my father. We were completely separated until I was 22 years old. We are now in almost constant contact now, although he lives in Alabama and I live in Arkansas. Since we started on this journey together I feel like I can tell him anything and he feels the same. It is definitely not your normal father/daughter relationship, but it is what is was meant to be. He is my best friend and I need him. I always thought that I was to go on with this spiritual change in my life, with my dad. His tumultuous relationship with his wife has been going on for years but has been especially bad this past year. When I have needed him or needed to talk to him he has been too wrapped up in his own life to actually be there. This goes for several other people whom I have confided in or gotten advice from in the past. The majority of my relationships have always been about me giving the advice and me listening to the problems of theirs, and that was fine but I always had those few who I could go to when I couldn’t help myself. Now I feel like I don’t have that. There are two people in particular that only want to re-hash their issues over and over again. I listen and don’t bother to tell them that I have already heard the story they are telling me three times. My dad is one of these people. I miss our old conversations that could take the mind to such an awesome place that I would have visions upon visions sometimes. I feel like I am alone now and this had led me to the conclusion that I can no longer wait for others to “be ready”. I have been ready and been sitting on go, or so I feel.
I think that the lesson I have learned is that this spiritual journey is all mine and it’s all about me. As much as you try to help some people and make them see what you can see, it doesn’t always mean that they are meant to see these things yet. It can be frustrating, as a psychic, to see your loved ones go through things that you have tried to warn them about. At some point, I plugged up any progression because I have been waiting on someone else to come with me and I can’t do that anymore. It’s kinda sad but I don’t want to end 2015 feeling this same way.
2. How did you serve others?
Well, in a pharmacy way I have served and served. I served a patient who treated me like crap for how long her prescriptions were taking to be filled. Little did she know we were cross checking her husband’s most recent medications from his heart attack with his older stuff he was still taking. It is literally life and death and still people treat us this way. I have learned to take a beating over the years if it means she can spend Christmas with her husband and her family. It’s definitely better than the alternative.
One whole wall in my kitchen is a wasteland of plastic and cardboard. My city doesn’t offer recycling so we smuggle ours over the state line to a recycle bin there. I haven’t always understood my reason for becoming so adamant about recycling. I saw a few really awesome, inspirational videos on YouTube and have been convinced ever since. You can see one of those videos here. I really think that we are forgetting of the other creatures of the world and our Mother Earth as we consume and consume. I am guilty as well and strive to make a difference everyday in my impact on the world. Mother Earth gives of herself to us all day, everyday and has for 4.54 billion years or something like that. I don’t know if she can continue to give and give as technology and engineering increase, causing more strain on her. Please be mindful of recycling programs in your area. Not everyone has to give their everything for this to work. Just do what you can do to help out.
3. What blessings did you receive?
Well, I’ve already spoken of my kids and my husband, who bless me everyday. I have gotten to spend a lot of time with my aunt and my cousin, whom I didn’t get to see as much before. My family gets to meet regularly at our beloved river, where we can get centered and I feel at one with nature. We are lucky to have such a place, which has been in my family for over 30 years. As a family, we don’t always get along with each other, but we would have each other’s back if needed. We all love each other and I am blessed to have these people in my life.
My bills have been paid and we are warm and have food to eat. There are so many others who have so much less than I do. This seems like enough to me. Some want more material possessions and I am blessed to not have that monkey on my back anymore.
4. Was there something you lost that turned out to be a blessing in disguise?
I used to be completely engrossed in Headline News on Cable. I could hear it in my dreams, the TV still on as we slept. I didn’t really ever dream anything that I could remember back then. I kept myself concerned about all activities reported on HLN. It was ridiculous. I wanted to be unplugged and we did. We cancelled our cable and I cannot tell you what a relief it has been! I used to worry so much. What happened to that missing plane? Where did that little boy disappear to? It’s not that those answers aren’t important, it just isn’t that important to me anymore. There is someone whose job it is to figure this stuff out; it’s not my job. It was physically and emotionally draining to try to take on all that stuff. It’s interesting that I can remember my dreams now. We still have internet and Netflix, but when I go to sleep, the TV goes off. For anyone interested in unplugging, even if only part of the way, I completely suggest ridding yourself of your cable and saving at least $120 a month. It’s really helped me to reconnect with myself and my family.
5. Did you receive any gifts in terms of power or skills?
I feel a little stagnant and stuck in a position of helping myself right now. This year wasn’t near as crazy for me in terms of gaining powers or skills; it has been nothing like the year before. Maybe I had asked for too much too soon. This has been a reflection time for me, but what I did gain was getting to know my animal spirit guide, the Grasshopper. This has definitely been an experience for me; Grasshoppers coming out of the woodwork to get my attention. In this short time of Winter that we have had so far, I haven’t had a GH moment in a while, but I know they will be back and I can’t wait to see what the next year brings me.
This marks my 501st post on WordPress. I was going to save my 500th post to tell you some real insightful stuff, but instead used it to tell everyone a Merry Christmas last night. So hopefully I can tell you something awesome with this post.
I have been reflecting back on the last year yesterday and today. It always seems disappointing to me that I didn’t, once again, accomplish the things I set out to do. I know I should be thankful for everything I have done, and I am but I know I am so much more capable. Life tends to get in the way. That healthier lifestyle I was going to take on never quite happened. The yoga I was going to start never quite got started and I am a little mad at myself. It doesn’t help that my energy has been spread out everywhere in the last few months. I have a messy house and I just felt heavy when I left for work this morning. I can’t feel good when there is such a mess waiting for me back home. I am taking off work New Year’s Eve and the five days after that so I should be able to get everything back in order. I am going to start 2015 off with a big bang, preferably a clean one.
We are slow at work today and it’s boring so more reflection should be coming my way as I get my shelves all cleaned up and get the drugs back in order. It seems like my work is a mess too and I can’t be right with that either.
Look out 2015 – I’m coming for you.
I just wanted to jump in here and say Merry Christmas to all of you fellow bloggers out there. I will be back in the next few days because I owe someone a story, but for tonight I am pooped. These kids have run me ragged today, not to mention all the visiting we did. We barely had a moment to chill and so I am going to do that now! Good night to all. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas.
I love chandeliers (and all lighting really) but I really like the idea of swinging from the chandeliers and living like tomorrow doesn’t exist. The words in the song are strong and she sings her heart out in this song, in my opinion. I also love singing, art, music and dance so this appeals to me as it reminds me of myself as a child. I lived a lot of my time as a child in my bedroom alone doing such dances and performances to unseen audiences while my parents partied or slept off their last party. This little girl in Sia’s video is about 12 years old and her name is Maddie Ziegler and she is awesome, so enjoy!
Well, those of you who follow me may know that I was to interview for an auditor position within my current employer. I did not get the job, but I am okay with that. In the beginning, I felt very good about my chances and somewhere along the way that changed. It was like the universe was telling me that I had the job in the beginning and then about 3/4 of the way through, that message changed. Even my horoscope, which I swear knows everything, started out telling me something new at work was on the horizon and left me feeling pretty good that I would get the job. The horoscope changed too! About a week and a half before I heard back from the corporate people, it started telling me that I shouldn’t get discouraged when something I had been hoping for didn’t work out. The horoscope said that this was for the best, and while I had had some great feelings about it before, this was not to be anymore. At this point, I knew I would not get the job. I assume that the vast knowledge of the ‘all that is’ decided that this would not work for me anymore. I am not sure if the job changed 3/4 of the way through, or if I did. There was no extra pay involved, but there would have been travel allowances, etc. This didn’t matter so much to me, not as much as having a job I would enjoy. I will assume something may not have worked out and I would have been left as miserable as I am in the pharmacy sometimes.
The pharmacy is not as miserable as it was before, though. I have been in charge of the inventory and ordering, etc. and it has really worked out well. My store manager and the district folks have been very pleased and there has even been some talk of me going to other stores to show them how I do the inventory and trying to help them implement their own changes to the way they do theirs. I do get opposition from inside the pharmacy but I am not worried about that so much as I am how the bosses feel. The last two quarters, I have done two AWESOME inventories and at the end of the quarter, everyone got their bonuses and patted me on the back, and that is enough for me. I have done my job. Whether or not I get a bonus is not important. (Translation – I didn’t get a bonus). But that’s okay. I just enjoy doing a good job and being praised for it. The praise and the smiles and so much better than no praise and no smiles when you have worked your butt off.
So maybe I am where I am supposed to be for now. It has been a year since I moved from the Pharmacy of Hell to this other pharmacy (in same company) and I have to admit that I am happier at the new place. By happier, I mean I don’t want to kill anyone. I am not sure if one can ever go to work in a retail chain pharmacy and not at some point ponder killing someone (co-worker, patient or boss), but this is better than most, I think.
I am still here! I didn’t run away again…well, not completely. I have been hanging out with my guys from the motorcycle club way too much recently. It’s all Netflix’s fault. They give you 79 episodes all at once. Back in the day you would wait an entire week to see what happened and now you can watch 5 seasons in a week. Well, that’s probably possible if all you do is watch constantly. Anyway, I have the pipe up to my mouth and ‘Sons of Anarchy’ is the crack. I am powerless. I was bragging to someone the other day about how awesome it is not watching the news anymore but I am sure making up for it with fictional, small town gang activity.
That last paragraph was meant to only tell you why I have been absent again and since I was about to start waxing philosophically about the Sam Crow guys, I figured I’d better get on with the real story.
Not so long ago I wrote about my Spirit Animal, the grasshopper (GH) and you may peruse that post here. The situation has not changed one bit and I will tell you all about how the grasshopper has caught my attention on NUMEROUS occasions since I figured out that it was my Spirit Animal. I even have some GH pics to share, but these are only a few of the times that the GH has entered into my space. Hopefully, if you are thinking or wondering about your Spirit Animal you might get some inspiration from my previous post and see how it has played out since then.
The GH above hitched a ride on my car all day from home to work and back home again. He is rather large and I have noticed that a lot of these GH’s take on an almost shrimpy look. I noticed him when I driving to work and I worried for him, afraid that the wind would take him away, but he hunkered down and used the mirror to deflect the wind. I surely didn’t think he would still be out there when I left work, but he was.
This guy is very different than the green ones I usually see. I looked down to see him on the railing at our town fair as I was waiting for my kids to come down the really tall slide thingee. Usually I am just chillin’ and all of a sudden I look down to see a GH just chillin’ there with me. Sometimes they are flying out at me, really trying to get my attention.
I was at work one day, waiting on a customer in the drive-thru. I sent the tube out for the lady to send her prescription back in. When I opened the tube chute thing, this GH seemed to fly out at me. I raised my hands to my face and when I looked back up, he was just hanging out in the chute thing, like he had never flown out at me. Maybe he jumped back up in there, but I was not really that surprised that this was happening as it had been happening like crazy for a while at that point.
The two pictures above are of the tiniest grasshopper I think I have ever seen. Looking a little shrimpy again, this GH was on some flowers I cut in the yard. I brought several flowers in and almost threw this one out when I saw the baby GH. Of course I rescued him and took several pics before taking his little ass back into the yard. He was so cute!
A recent GH incident happened when I got into the shower one morning last week. There had been a threat of frost outside and I moved all the plant babies into the house. One such was put in the shower for watering and I retrieved it from the shower the night before. I guess the GH stayed in the shower all night to make sure I got the message. I regret that I have no pictures of that to share, but suffice it to say that I was screaming for Hubby to come get the thing! I am excited and in love with my Spirit Animal, but I am still a girl and specific things must be met before I want to hold a GH in my hand. Those are: #1 – don’t be naked when holding GH. #2 – know that insect is near and that I am about to be attempting to hold it. I was completely taken by surprise, but yet somehow still not.
UPDATE: I paused in my writing to go pick up my daughter from dance class and we decided to pick something up for dinner. I debated with myself on what I wanted to eat as we drove down the street and I pulled into the Chinese drive-thru and ordered our food. It wasn’t until I was almost finished ordering that I noticed the grasshopper on the lit up menu. I can’t tell you how good it felt in the moment to just know I was on the right path. I don’t know that I believe that literally, as I am sure I will regret the Chinese food in the morning, like I usually do. I felt like no matter where I had stopped, the Universe would put the GH there. See Chinese menu GH below.
I have been feeling pretty good today, despite the fact that I woke up at 4:00 AM so I could be at work at 5:00 AM for the pharmacy inventory. This is my second time doing the inventory and I rocked it out even more than before. I was $8,000 over last quarter and $13,000 over this quarter. So…we have $13,000 worth of drugs more than they thought we would. That’s money all day because I was thrifty, careful, monitored the inventory and made myself pretty much the most annoying tech ever, I am sure my co-workers would tell you. In the end it has been worth it because there were some naysayers who thought I would do extra bad this time because it came out so good last time. “Surely you’ve made a mistake,” one co-worker said. BAHAHAHA…take that naysayers! (Sorry I enjoy a little healthy competition!)
So the District Pharmacy Manager was there and she was very impressed and I could tell she was happy with all my hard work. This is good because, on Thursday, I have the phone call to interview for the pharmacy auditor position I applied for a few weeks ago. She mentioned that, if I got the job, I would be traveling about once a week and then from time to time to help other pharmacies with things they need help with. She said I could help some of the others with their inventory, since I was so good at it. I could just feel the naysayers cringing. It’s nice to hear the praise when I have had a difficult time with some of the others about the inventory. They have questioned my every move and I am glad to see all the headaches and anxiety weren’t in vain.
Because Grasshopper encouraged me, I took a leap of faith and applied for the job which I may not have done otherwise. I didn’t worry about how I would manage all the travel, I just leaped. Always jumping forward to the next thing, the next adventure.
Wish me luck for my interview Thursday!
Is it just me or is WordPress bogged down with weird pop-ups and viruses? I had 8 viruses after perusing WordPress for one hour and when I got those removed and came back, still crap everywhere! When I got on WP tonight, there are all these strange ads and pop-ups up CONSTANTLY! Is anyone else experiencing this? Plus, my latest post has all these weird links in the body of the post and they make these pop-ups happen. Please help!!!
Anyone who has read even a little of my blog knows that I have issues being a Pharmacy Tech. It’s a thankless, stressful job and when you are in the midst of a crazy day, you certainly don’t feel like you are paid enough to deal with the events you are having to deal with. I have always had issues with my bosses; in fact, I’ve always had trouble with authority figures in general. So…this story will start where I guess I left off blogging before. In my post,“F-you”, I Said to my Boss, I had had about all that I could handle…obviously.
When I left the old pharmacy location to move across town to another one of our stores I really thought that I was leaving behind all the old pharmacy problems I was having. I had a Toxic Boss at the old store and we butted heads all the time, which has certainly been chronicled in my blogs from the past. I remember just walking in this new store thinking that I had finally escaped the ridiculousness only to find that I was right back into the same exact situation as before, only this time there were different people. How frustrating this was! This new boss was from China, had no experience and was straight out of pharmacy school and was now my manager! My old manager has been a Pharmacist for over 20 years and is a white woman from the South. These two women are completely different yet they somehow seemed to have the same agenda when it came to me. I remember grieving the loss of my old pharmacy, which now seemed like kitten tails and lollipops compared to dealing with this new one.
New Boss didn’t believe anything we said to her and she seemed to have this huge chip on her shoulder when it came to being able to relinquish power or control of anything to anyone. She didn’t know the first thing about managing a pharmacy and this somehow just gets to me. I am mad at the company for allowing such and I am mad at her for being there. Every time she made a mistake I would get a little madder. Never mind that it isn’t possible for one to never make a mistake; it was that I couldn’t allow her a bit of slack because she questioned all of us about everything to the point of insanity. She didn’t acknowledge that all of us had been working in a pharmacy long enough to know a thing! There is a combined 78 years of experience between us and yet she continued to doubt us and go behind our backs to check our work. There were several times that she broke a rule or messed something up that could have been a very big deal and I would try to walk her through it and make her understand how to do it next time. Some people say that when I am in this zone I can sound a little bossy and maybe piss people off. I don’t care how it sounds because certain people need to be talked to a certain way for your words to have any weight. I take my job seriously in that I am there to support the Pharmacist, including when I think they are screwing up or could endanger someone. So there was all of this craziness and to make it even better there was a huge language barrier. She spoke English and even wrote pretty decent in English (not great by any means) but no one could understand her at all. She never tried to slow down any or to enunciate differently or anything. The boss I told “F-you” to is Vietnamese and every now and then he will call on us to translate for him, but she would barely allow it. I felt so bad watching these patients walking away with no more information than they had when they arrived. They were ready to head out wit their business in droves because there wasn’t a Pharmacist there that they could understand.
So, anyway, New Boss finally screwed up something big, which I will not speak of for fear that one day scary corporate company will fire me over it. Suffice it to say that at this point we are certainly thinking her days were numbered. She knew it too; there had been so much already that she mishandled with the managerial part of the job, but now there was the final nail for the coffin. It has been a wonderful month since she was fired, but I can still remember everything that happened like it were just tonight. I can remember where everyone was standing when the joyful news was shared; I was typing a prescription in the computer with my back to the rest of them. I felt her come through the gate and wondered what had been taking her so long upstairs. She told the others something about not working with them anymore and everyone was confused and asking her what she meant. I stole a glance at this point and saw her face, which was blank like it was most of the time. I remarked to myself that no one else seemed as excited as I was, but I guess they were still confused. I, psychic that I am, saw this coming since the incident occurred. I knew it would happen, but I was still surprised as to the day in which it occurred. It seemed unremarkable that morning when I started to work. Little did I know what a glorious day it would be. When she started to tell them that we all wouldn’t be working together again, I had to turn around because a smile was spreading across my face so big and I just knew I would look like The Grinch if I turned around. I swear I was more meant for Human Resources or something as I am always glad to see a liability go.
So, yes, there you have it. In my sabbatical I have turned into a downright asshole. How can one be so happy to have someone get fired? I suppose one day someone will delight in my firing, but for now I had to be glad because she had driven us all BATSHIT FREAKIN’ CRAZY! All I know is that if I’m going to Hell in a handbasket then I will be going in a plush, easy-going, much less-stressful one. I will take any relief I can get at this point. We all noticed how nice it has been since she has been gone and even though we have one less regular person there, it sure doesn’t seem like it.
So…to finish up this long story – I was reading the pharmacy e-mails the other day and our district manager (over say 15-20 stores) has sent us a message about an auditor position that has opened up and she was wondering if any techs were interested in applying for the job. It immediately take pause as this is my kinda shit! I have always been like unknowingly training for this position. I am like the police and the lawyer of any pharmacy I will ever work at. I am constantly looking at the things that could get us audited by insurance, lawsuits or getting reprimanded by the board and trying to stop such matters. These are all very trivial things to most people; things involving billing and day supply type stuff. But if you want to be a pharmacy that actually makes money and stays in business, certain rules have to be followed. I have always been annoyingly serious about these things. I absolutely abhor rules in certain aspects of my life, but when there is someone who owns a company and wants to pay me a decent wage I will do what you want me to (within reason obviously). The competitor in me takes over and I want to make my coach proud.
So anyway, I almost didn’t speak up and say that I was interested. I was absolutely interested, but this job will take me to these other pharmacies in the district and I will audit their billing and whatnot and sometimes will have to stay in a hotel. I just made a snap decision that my family will make it work for those times when I have to go out of town and I replied that I was interested. Will you believe that she sent me a message the next day and said she chose me as ONE OF THREE PEOPLE PICKED TO INTERVIEW!!! It felt so right then and it still feels very right. She said she was excited that I was interested. She knows what a police I try to be up there and I think my tenacity is finally paying off. I have a good feeling about it, as I have the whole time. I hate to jump the gun, but I have been looking for ways to do something else with my Pharmacy Tech license. I feel like there is more out there for me if I am to continue on this path a little longer. I, of course, long to take the plunge to not working and sticking it to the man every chance I get by homesteading, but for now I feel like there is more to the story of pharmacy life.
So…those of you who have managed to make it to the bottom of this looooong story, like my story and I will send love and gratitude your way. In return I ask that you send all the good vibes you can to this chick who is going to interview me over the phone at some time yet to me determined. Hopefully it will not be when I am looking to cut some doctor’s head off or something. I need her to know that I am the person for this job and that I have ideas and vast sums of knowledge in my head that I have been collecting for this particular job.
Yesterday marked the second anniversary of my blog here on WordPress! I haven’t been on here in forever, but I choose today to make a change in that area of my life. I have really let my spiritual life go on the back burner and I miss it and I want to get back to what I was doing. I have felt like a bump on a log for long enough.
So, starting today I am going to start back blogging and have even been thinking of doing some video. We will see!
Saturday was my birthday.
The day started out okay enough. I didn’t have to go into the pharmacy, so that’s something. I can remember my son trying to wake me up so that he could gain access to my phone (he’s an Angry Birds addict – we’re so pleased). I could tell I was in a bad mood from the moment he threw an ever-lovin’ fit when I told him he couldn’t have the phone. We lay in bed a little longer and all I could think about were all the things I needed to get up and accomplish. I have a hundred little projects I think about and never complete. I’m a year older and I’ve got to get busy before all these things devour me! I quickly ask hubby if he’s going to get up and help me (with these 100 tasks I need to complete). He proceeded to take a tone with me that I didn’t like. “It’s my freakin’ birthday!” I yelled in my head. “How dare he act slightly displeased with my tone and take on a tone of his own – on my BIRTHDAY!” So I cried, half Scarlett O’Hara and half actually crying. He doesn’t see me cry often and he doesn’t like the crying so I feel slightly better knowing he would regret taking that kind of tine with me when we clearly have all this stuff to do. We don’t really ever fight so tones and inflections are all we have, you see.
I get out of the bed, achy in my hips and the heels of my feet. Pharmacy can take its toll on your mental state and on your body. We aren’t allowed to sit down unless on a break. We hold the phone between our shoulder and our ear all day long while counting pills and juggling every other task imaginable. I do a lot of repetitive movements at work and I think this has contributed to my overall body pain, which was pretty much non-existent before this job. Every morning I almost have to push my legs forward when I take my first steps because my hips hurt so bad. This gets markedly better throughout the day, but the first time of the day you finally get to sit down, you are reminded of the pain when you get back up. I am feeling especially old now, my physical body betraying me already. Thirty-four sucks already.
I know, I know, those of you older than 34 are allowed to groan at my depression over growing older. “Just wait until you’re 50!” they’ll say. I certainly don’t relish turning that age either. I am, however, glad to not be 23 anymore. I was an idiot in those days and I am glad to have a bit of experience to guide me in my life travels. Some tell me I am an ‘old soul’ and I do feel that way sometimes, but on Saturday I was feeling a lot of things, none of which was gratefulness for my ‘old soul’ or my 34 year-old scars. I imagine my 50 year-old self will think that my 34 year-old self was an idiot too.
I took a lot of walks down Memory Lane. I could feel myself panicking at the thought of losing my girlishness. Maybe I am a fool who lost her girlishness a long time ago. I think it may have happened the first time with someone whom I was 99% sure was exactly my age called after me, “Ma’am!” I turned all around looking for this older person he was surely referring to. It takes me a minute to realize this man is talking to me. Upon further inspection he isn’t as old as I thought. He must be about 20 or 21. I was probably about 30. I can say without question that I can be delusional sometimes, imagining myself thinner and prettier with virtually no wrinkles and stretch marks. I figure as long as I’m rolling around thinking a certain way, who cares what others think?
I start to feel the world creeping closer to its position on the perch of my shoulders. How can I slow it all down? I don’t want to grow old and die! It seems like just yesterday I was hanging out with my friends during the summer, not a CARE in the world. It seems like just a short while ago my mom was telling me that one day I would understand what it was like for her to raise us kids. One day – blah, blah, blah. She was right and I’ll be damned if I don’t find myself saying the exact same things she would say when I was a kid, the things I swore I would never say. Three blinks and I will be her age; 56. How has it come to this? I can still remember her the way she was back then. It seems as if it were just yesterday. Life can be cruel and these memories sure can be bittersweet.
I find myself looking to a purpose for it all. I believe we must have all decided on this course we are living now. We knew there would be sadness and we did it anyway because we knew what we would gain from it all, but do we not want to be happy at some point? When does the status and the clothes and the Matrix not matter anymore? There are so many illusions we allow to run our lives. What good is all the money in the world if you work so hard – away from your happiness – to get it? Is complete and utter happiness not the goal? Maybe that’s Heaven I am thinking about. There is beauty in this world for sure, but not near what we want. Knowing there is more out there doesn’t make all the heartache go away, but it does help a little. I know I have been feeling sorry for myself but I am also upset too. I should be further in my spiritual growth by now! I know that some things come in due time, but how long can one use that excuse when they rest on their laurels all day? I go against what I know I need to do sometimes. I choose the Matrix when I should be seeing the truth. I continue to complain about a job that makes me unhappy. All I need is a little meditation and a few more grasshoppers to make me realize my dream in this life and I put it off. I think the reason that 34 has been so hard for me is that is feels way too much like 33 and 32 and 31. It’s time I did something about that.
Anyone who has been reading my blog for a while (bless you folks, by the way) knows how much I LOVE Taylor Swift. I truly feel like she has written the songs of my teenage years. Of course a lot of girls feel that way which is why she is so popular. This song is as catchy as “22” and I love the video. Haters are gonna hate, Taylor, thanks for reminding us to shake it off!
Check out some of my Taylor Swift photography here!